I don’t mean for this blog to be anything other than a sewing blog, but during a recent epiphany, I thought I might share this brief interlude with you. I know it’s not for everyone and that’s ok. We’ll be back to sewing again shortly.
So the last week has been a tough one. Little man has instead been a little difficult, to put it nicely. It has been tantrum city. Something as small as food falling off his fork can lead to screaming, tears and a general meltdown of Chernobyl proportions. I am yet to find out why.
Saturday saw me deal with 3 such meltdowns all before 8 am. Lucky me. Coupled with getting up 3 times each night to the kiddies, I was exhausted both physically and emotionally.
So on the weekend I found myself sitting on the back door step, head in hands, crying and feeling like the worst mother ever.
I began venting to God big time. You see, aside from a lot of the expectations we put on ourselves, I couldn’t help but think how short I fell of all God’s expectations too. It was all too much. I’m only human!
I mean, really? God asks me to be like Him when I can’t even make it to 8 am without losing my patience?
Honestly. I don’t even come close to being like Him. He knows the number of grains of sand on the beach. I can’t even remember my friends names or where I put my car keys. I’m lucky if I even remember to brush my hair in the mornings.
God is patient and kind. I get up in the morning and 2 hours later I’m already yelling at my son and I’m angry after asking him 5 times to put on his shoes. By the 6th time I’m wrestling the shoes on him in a hurried rage so we’re not late for something yet again. How is that patient or kind?
For every amazing trait that God has, I have one just as terrible. How can He ask me to be like Him? I couldn’t come close if I tried.
Still, I know that out of everyone, He doesn’t judge me one bit either. He doesn’t tut-tut His disgust or bring up my past offenses. When I vent to Him and feel ashamed of my parenting mishaps, He just offers me love and peace. No nagging, just love.
So while I fall terribly short of being anything like that, I do love the feeling of having the weight of disappointment and shame lifted off. As a flow on effect, when you receive mercy and grace yourself, you really can’t help but at least attempt to pass that on. Kind of like when someone gives you a timely bunch of flowers … you know how warming it is and it makes me want to create that feeling for someone else. Who knows, maybe some attempts at forgiveness and love will be successful and the recipient will be blessed by it.
I can’t be like God. It’s an almost ridiculous notion. But I can receive love, mercy and grace from God and then let that overflow out to other people through me instead. There’s no pressure, unrealistic expectations or work. It’s a natural process and all it involves is me letting God melt my heart with His goodness.
Thanks for reading xoxo
P.S. Don’t worry Mum, I’m fine. We’re coping a whole lot better now